Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
