someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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