Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
