i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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