Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
