so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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