Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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