My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
