He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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