someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
