Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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