Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
