I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
