I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
