yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
