My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
