u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
