God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
