it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
