i don't like sucking hair
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
