I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
