this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
time to smoke my breakfast
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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