so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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