I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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