bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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