You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
