I'm so fucking centered right now
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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