marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
