chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
