Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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