it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
