After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
