She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
