I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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