I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
