Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
