Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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