my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
