I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
