I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
