Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
