Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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