well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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