My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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