does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
