u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I know her cup size but not her name....
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