i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
