So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
