Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
