At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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