Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you had me at cake vodka
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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