No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
