you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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